For those who are in recovery and by some chance are reading this, gosh I hope this stream of raw consciousnesshelps in some way. but decided on a whim to got back to season one and listen to Sara's whole story. ), and have loved it . If I was a gossip, help me see and change it. Most of them are a bit extra IMO, lol. I thought so too but upon checking this isn't the case. I think that sums up my most recent thoughts in the recovery process, but I went a tad further and wrote things out on the flight to Nashville last weekend since Im trying to get better at sharing my process and the annual renewal fee for this website just hit my bank account. Show Notes: I remember being thoroughly convinced of my incapability, frustrated to the point of tears when my music teachers wouldnt believe my arguments. So many of us are so focused on getting our stories out there that we forget that becoming known has consequences. I cleared up their confusion while distinctly noticing awkward tension and his lack of comment. They pointed out how it was technically inaccurate because it was taken out of context. Eight days out, I was ready to move forward at full speed, thinking a wedding was the answer to serious problems. One thing at the forefront of my thoughts right now is the fear I know a lot of women around me are facing, and the choices they are making in the midst of it. A classic N doesnt want sympathy because they view themselves as above it. Youll see information about Young Living and probably food, cause it matters to me and Iplan my travels based on the destinations snacks. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. Ramonas left eye. I dont feel wanted here. Something Was Wrong. When my community (called a bubble by someone) felt something was wrong and told me to be praying with them, I didnt know what else to do but get on my knees alone that Friday night and read the Names of God out loud. A listener makes a discovery that leads Sara to final answers in her quest for the truth. I froze and watched as he swiftly closed it with a few keystrokes, his face expressionless. This season, we continue to share the stories of incredible survivors and their shocking life discoveries and recovery from them. What about now? I mentally ask as I sift through rental listings, schlepping myself to and from unit viewings and even applying for what I thought was my dream spot. Ill never forget a time in San Francisco when he purposefully drove his truck out of the way through a flooded corner, sending a massive wall of water straight up into the air that came crashing down on a crowd of people waiting to cross the street. ray hasek beverly donofriostihl ms 291 parts diagram $ 3.00 $ 2.00. orbital mechanics course. It took an abusive relationship to say fuck what my family thinks. A cornered narcissist will spin you up in so many words that youll forget the origin of the conversation, forget your own point, and somehow end up at fault for something you still dont understand. I remember my piano instructor taking me so far beyond what I thought a piece could possibly require from a pianists hands and brain. Abuse Recovery, christianity, Uncategorized. I know all too well that I couldnt have rescued myself. Just when I thought Id pulled everything I could from a single passage, shed tell me I was cutting a note short and to let it breathe. This is not your story, you do not get to have . It made me realize my identity as a woman needed restoration, not correction or managing. John and Staci talked about the world-changing power of feminine beauty, and how it reflects the heart of God in a way masculine strength simply cannot. Calabasas is a quiet, well-to-do California town often referred to as "The Bubble.". 64.2k Followers, 178 Following, 52 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Something Was Wrong Podcast (@somethingwaswrongpodcast) 6h. It wasnt until hours later, at dinner (I still remember the really cool Asian restaurant we discovered in Oakland), that he tilted his head like a parent would toward a child and said, When are you going to talk to me about what you saw earlier today? The weirdest conversation proceeded. Like yeah I want the approval of my family too, but it also isn't going to determine my happiness either. Tee is happy to help out her close friend and coworker, Slyvia, when she becomes sick. I was constantly confused by inconsistency. Recommended by us. Its fine, Ill just spend the weekend at home. Ive wondered if its an affront to His design when Christians continually refer to themselves and the church as wretched or even sinners saved by grace. (Here we go! and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. During my commute Ive been blasting the song Heroes by Amanda Cook from her album The Voyage, and every time she sings you taught my feet to dance upon disappointment, I burst with more emotions thanwhat should probably be considered safe for driving. Bear with me as this site goes through growing pains. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. *Content warning: emotional, sexual and physical violence, child . Update. I thought they were deleting all comments identifying him? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. For various reasons, we often try to convince ourselves that we deserve less than our dreams. They wont see the truth of who you really are or arent. Ive gone through seasons of counseling twice now. I was stunned. Have you asked yourself why something just feels inexplicably wrong, confusing, and overwhelming? (If girls were single, they were waiting. I was preparing to become the helpmeet my dream guy was looking for, instead of calling it living my dang life.). I'm on episode 10 and have enjoyed it but also feel like maybe Sara is a littleextra lol. If they trust me with something, I hold it close. I stand by what I said about not changing a thing. I walk a line with choosing to blog about my real-time process, teetering toward avoidance when that process hits a bump in the road called full clarity and the resulting fury. Dipping my toes in some frigid waters!) Season 6 explores these questions and more through stories of first person encounters with some of the internets most depraved offenders. This is not a place to promote your podcast. I have plenty of work I can get done. I was devastated and scrambling to recover whatever Id done wrong. When my story is released to the public, in all its true-crimey-ness, Im thrilled to know that it will ultimately point to the miracle He did in rescuing me. I dont want to get in the way of anything. I begged him to stay. I was told once by someone who was praying for me that she saw me living behind a fence. I just started listening, so I haven't gotten to the wackiness about the boyfriend, but the sister is A LOT. Youre loose-lipped! as if it was obvious and went about his business. The busyness is all valid things like 3 jobs, a consistent fitness routine, family relationships, etc but before I know it, 3 weeks have gone by and the person that blessed me with these jobs and incredible community (literally everything I was just asking Him for) hasnt heard from me and thats all He wants. Bravery doesnt require the absence of fear. You dont say! Some patterns of abuse possibly even before Dick was on the scene. For fans of the podcast, Something Was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from Season 1. Seeing the abuse I endured last year so clearly now stirs a passion in me to stop it from happening to others. Something Was Wrong with Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) EPISODE 83 Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) joins us on SWE for a long chat about a past relationship that took a crazy turn. During the second half, I had the opportunity to sit in the audience and feel their engagement. !" bc wanna Google the MF. Have you asked yourself why something just feels inexplicably, , confusing, and overwhelming? This season, 11 incredible survivors share their stories of shocking life discoveries and the recovery from them. As my faithful poet Chris Martin says, Lights will guide you home.. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 12/22/2022. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-Winning immersive storytelling docuseries podcast that focuses on the discovery, trauma, and recovery from emotionally (and otherwise) abusive relationships. Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts. And if you're hearing Sara's story for the first time, wellyou're in for a wild ride! S1 E15: Safety + Coping Strategies for Leaving Abusive Relationships. They only met the abuser because I was pregnant. Toxic relationship recovery stories, convos, + whatever else we want to hash out. When we receive the gift of what Jesus did for us,He isnt looking at our shortcomings, so why should we? He pulled me out of the trap to begin with; He will restore everything. That dude needs major help. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.. It was a miraculous instance of God opening the eyes of one of His own whod been deceived into choosing a dangerous situation. I was straightforward and told him exactly what I wrote at the beginning of this paragraph so that he could understand why his words hurt me so badly. Then it uses those keys to wreak havoc where trust was carefully built. I kept asking myself, how did we get here?. (I thank God for my lil bubble community all the time, by the way.). ! instead of Oh Happy Day or something. Wrote fake letters to his future wife to disguise who he is? Calling them accomplices in the oppression of a victim and pointing out that theyre devaluing the victims life in favor of the abusers might get me some backlash and Im just not ready or qualified to enter that ring.). When that light feels like a pinpoint, we have to lean in closer and He is faithful to meet us there. He is extremely active on social media, especially Twitter, and he would fly into picking fights and arguments that he would gleefully show me, especially around Christian topics. Tee gets a call from Jason that changes her forever. *Content warning: Substance Use Disorder, emotional abuse, sexual assault, workplace abuse. Hope: the day light broke through the trees and warmth poured in. S1 E2: It Was Weird. On a small scale, Ill do a mental scan of my upcoming week. What will we attempt when we no longer see our lack, but His potential? No bruises to show for their huge act of leaving and tearing their family apart. or to justify a divorce to their church. Our hearts. One moment, someone he knew was a genius. Its close. Its very real. ), (There were too many blinders on at that point to recognize that life will ALWAYS throw curveballs testing the patience of myself and the person Im with. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. Just before that, though, I had been on my piano playinga Chopin Etude Id been assigned my very first year in college, as a wide-eyed homeschooler walking into classrooms for the first time since elementary school. Im just now binging. Soon after I get that thing, I go on my merry way and get busy. Charts. I just listened and I want to know too. Quite a few people Ive spoken to say that they feel stuck for the sake of their children, or because the signs of abuse arent publicly visible. Happy Tuesday from Tennessee! Ok thats wild fast! So He can enjoy us again as shimmering reflections of Him as we were in the beginning: beautiful and unashamed. When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. [deleted] 4 yr. ago. We find our own ways to ask, Am I enough?. He doesnt want a casual connection- He wants our fire, our very worst AND best. It was just a misunderstanding! (I made brave choices while crying in the corner of a kitchen floor; it didnt paint a sexy portrait of bravery.) This is a really great podcast that delves into very important issues. The things this man put her and her family through is so intriguing and heartbreaking. When Sara got engaged she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. Something Was Wrong is an award winning docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. Sara and Tiffany answer listener questions and reflect back on the season thus far. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. Mine was all mental, so I minimized it because outwardly it didnt appear as dramatic as others stories. Follow Sara Lewis on Instagram@SpaceandPurposeCheck out Saras Blogspaceandpurpose.comSomething Was Wrong Podcast, featuring Saras story. What an injustice. Found her IG. It can start to manifest as headaches, aches and pains, fatigue, a lowered immune system, etc. Podcast Discovery . Jesus said to approach Him as children do. He agreed to wait it out a little bit but things were precarious. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. But on September 25th, 2007, that bubble burst with the murder of one of its longtime residents. Hear from survivors who have never before agreed to share their story publicly in this heartbreaking and harrowing season. He said, to be honest Im strongly considering heading back home. (It had taken him 3 hours in traffic to get to my house.) r/podcasts: a subreddit to discover, discuss, and review podcasts with other podcast enthusiasts. Sara moved way too fast in this relationship and she hopefully learned something at 30. Terrifying, simultaneously, to see how this strategy operates and deceives intelligent and discerning people. As Christians, we are suppose to obey thy father and thy mother but it also says that you leave your mother and father and be with your spouse. It was a scary piece for me. What I didnt know was even with everything I was feeling, I was still a little numb, and safely so. A nice surprise: in each episode of SmartLess, one of the hosts reveals his mystery guest to the other two. Check out Sara's personal blog, Space & Purpose. Best Podcasts. He didnt just splash those people; he completely drenched them and had to have ruined their days. The police have you surrounded. Why? Here are some notes I took and their associated memories: This is all a spectrum of a disorder. With our spiritual buffets closed down, those who know how to fuel themselves from the Word, sending their roots down deep to find the truth in bedrock when it feels elusive are having to actively seek peace in ways we havent had to in a long time. My family was never like this but these people remind me of a lot of families I grew up with at church. As part of this mission, r/podcasts is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions. Studying him and being sensitive, I set the grocery bags on the ground to hug him and was met with stony silence. It sounds like they have scrutinized every relationship she has ever had before this. Still in the first season of it, and was instantly hooked after the first episode. Its easier to choose the less flashy accessories, the more practical car, the simpler outfit because I can hide from scrutiny. It was healing, though, to go back to the beginning and understand how I could have fallen for such an insidious trap. Beautiful day. *Content warning: emotional and sexual abuse. One day, I would hear a speech on budget and how were broke because Im so expensive or spend so much. People will have opinions on your storyand you might not like all of those opinions. Theyre doing the heavy lifting when it comes to compiling my story for the public, not just for its sheer shock-factor, but because Im far from the only victim of psychopathic abuse. I was in shock for several blocks while he bounced up and down in the drivers seat like a big kid in a puddle. Stress, family drama, work, something was always burdening him. His driving was aggressive, earning him multiple tickets. I opened my Bible and was just kinda flitting through Isaiah with these but where is the joy, God? thoughts, and my eyeballs landed on Isaiah 55:12. Now I have on record that as he calmly gazed into my eyes and held my hand across the candlelit table, resolving to love me well while navigating these learning opportunities for me, my churning stomach and racing heart were right. Follow Sara Lewis on Instagram @SpaceandPurpose Check out Sara's Blog spaceandpurpose.com Something Was Wrong Podcast, featuring Sara's story Yes! I remember early on in our relationship, he handed $20 to a homeless person we walked by and later told me he kept 20 dollar bills in his pocket at all times for those exact opportunities. This is my favorite podcast. I get being close with your family, but man goodness, cut the cord already. Its a new effort to come to the Lord and let Him be something new to me: the place I bring my injustices and frustration. The more examples he gave, the more memories came back. Otherwise it just reveals a lack of character.). More and more, constant intake. Simply switch between keys without allowing air to pass through their surface and your fingertips. Hatred is a powerful word I refuse to carry with me, but last Saturday morning as I was taking screenshots for my story, new disgust churned in my stomach. He would shed actual tears when we would sit together watching movies or just cuddling on the couch, and I would think geez how damaged are you that this moment means this much? Something in my gut turned. In my case, since Im obviously the main character here, Im in the checkout line at the grocery store and the cashier definitely says, Nice day to start a blog!, Cashier: I said nice day for a jog! In fact, many times he had opportunities to share grace and love with those who had differing beliefs, and instead he cornered and shamed them, calling them out. It was the most confusing night of my life, but I felt a strange peace and clearly heard in my heart Sunday will be pivotal. I was so emotionally invested in moving forward that I assumed that meant everyone would understand and all would be well. I was just over here trying to plan a wedding in 3 months determined to do it with a fraction of a normal budget. When I regained control and came out, he looked at me like I was crazy. I could fart and hed call it blessed. If you're into true story podcasts, give this one a try. I could dissect it, but for now, at least Ive discerned it. With things being different, this means the stage is being set for those who have felt displaced, in waiting or unseen, perhaps with a story or passion but no clear platform for it. How will we live? Hed give me a hug or kiss, then playfully push me away like he was discarding me and look back like he expected me to come back for more. My current state of wholeness and freedom is a testimony to that. Her family is AWFUL!! He just needed to get out. During this season, chemicals are bonding me to him and altering my brain, making it increasingly difficult to see clearly no matter how intelligent or discerning I might be. If nothing else, just the amount of talking is overwhelming. Another way to listen early and ad-free is subscribing to Wondery+ in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery App. Is it time yet? It is that simple. Something Was Wrong When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. Time together was marked by trying to keep things positive and having some damn fun for once.. For those who are unfamiliar with psychopathsand narcissists, this is one way they succeed while minimizing damage visible to the public eye. Some of my darkest days have been marked by a unique sense of His presence I dont feel other times. In your creativity, couldnt you have put togetheranything else rather than humans who would constantly fail you and be unable to manage anything well on their own? Youre easier to read than you think. *Content warning: Substance Use Disorder, emotional abuse, sexual assault, suicidal ideation, workplace abuse. Nothing will hurt you. Real-Time. If it was my sister, I'd have probably created a true crime story for all you to listen to. Anyone who has tried it knows it teaches him to cower and hide the next time he messes up and this defined my idea of how God saw me for far too long. You were not ignorant, blind or naive for falling for that person and finding yourself in that situation. It doesnt have to impress anyone elsewhich I wrestle with. Publishers. Read More Also Listen On More Options Social Media Pages Share This Show Hear from survivors Julia, Kelly, and Rachel, as they recount their experiences of abuse in their charismatic, evangelical Christian churches. The Something Was Wrong podcast meetup/live recording last week and although we had no idea what to expect, it was incredible. I know God literally commands us to be at peace and find joy even in terrible events; I just couldnt help but feel like joy would be a dismissal of the travesties, the economic and political devastation, worldwide deception, division and all-out spiritual war happening. In a healthy relationship, how does a typical child run to their dad? @Ramonaslefteye. (Im generalizing. There are a few reasons why, but one of the most problematic is the host both explicitly and implicitly stating that abuse is a gendered phenomena always in the direction of males abusing females (including in non-physical methods of abuse). My experience just has a little Dateline flair. The next, they were idiots. Stress is never an excuse for insults and back-handed compliments- those should be followed with a genuine apology. Join us for a heavy dose of research with a dash of comedy thrown in for flavor. He would flip things quickly on anyone who dared question him. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. Amy shares a personal story of pain, healing, survival and her search for justice. Outwardly hes a good person, Ive heard or read multiple times. Join the 10,000+ others who are already getting their weekly dose of inspiration for writing delivered directly to their inbox every Monday morning. He sees farther than we do. You in the beginning.. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. [Alice + John + Naomi] You Wouldn't Believe It. (I realize not everyone reading this shares my beliefs. (Many of which Im still figuring out a year later.) As believers, we have the power of Christ within us and when we are rooted, standing firm in our identity, it is a force that can withstand anything. Sociopathic and Psychopathic tendencies start with Antisocial Personality Disorder. It was take me back to the beginning. I wasnt sure why. 1:54:06. 37.2k Followers, 1,197 Following, 18 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Something Was Wrong Podcast (@somethingwaswrongpodcast) In past blog sites I wrote about random f I am not licensed to diagnose, but trusty ol Google checklists for APD and Sociopathy fit my experiences nearly 100%. Everything looked guaranteed until they went a different direction. What if exposure isnt such a bad thing? Its still happening. Read reviews and listen to Something Was Wrong on Chartable. This is not a place to promote your podcast. I realize thats not fair to them- it shows a lack of respect for their ability to make room for me in their lives and its not fair to anyone who needs the encouragement. Hed research and educate himself on whatever it was so he could talk about it with me. (Sounded exactly the same, but I will remember to flail differently right here if it pleases you.). If we didnt hear that message at crucial times from a parent or similar figure, well seek it elsewhere. THE PURPOSE - 100% of profits from each garment sold are contributed to a socially conscious artist grant program. Or when were fired up and desperate for something, and come running to Him full of big emotions. Now is not the time to wait for one to reveal itself- you probably know exactly what it is, and that surely not that thought probably suffocating you right now as you read this is the one you need to act on right now. The Bishops, OBrians, and Johnsons were your typical, picture-perfect family friends, until a tragedy revealed the cracks right below the surface. The blood Jesus shedcovers our sin andHe no longer sees it. I love scenes in movies that enter the main characters point of view and suddenly that church choir is looking directly at them, pigeoned there in the pews, belting WRITE THE THIIIIIIINGS! Josh and Chuck have you covered. Those that lacked depth or true relationship with God are lost and floundering. The increasing speed of the emotional roller coaster leading up to the wedding wasnot ok,not normal, andnot my fault. episodes discover Most Recent February 24, 2022 1 hr 24 min Download S11 E8: [Molly] Unimaginable Rage This week survivor Molly shares her story. *Content warning: fraud, emotional abuse, sexual coercion. I want my friends to feel safe. All I remember is apologizing just to end the mess, him chuckling at my overreacting while continuing to fold clothes, and our night moving on. Sara discovers Dick is in a new relationship. (Including but doubtfully limited to: texting me as 2 friends (a married couple with kids) that hed completely fabricated since week 2, and seeing other women at the same time via different dating apps than hed said hed been on when we met. Quite honestly, knowing the waves of clarity waiting on the other side, I would walk through that valley again. I literally came on here looking for someone else to validate my feelings on this - thank you! I believe the story from The Year that is No More is not my own. This is the most insane story I have ever heard. His toxic work environment was taking a toll. The story is told on a podcast called Something Was Wrong. It breaks my heart. For some reason, he threw on a fake New Jersey accent and waved his hand flippantly as he said, Yeah! When Kenzie first met Joe she thought he was funny, successful and charming. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. Sara and her family might be a bit "extra," but it sounds like some of y'all have never dated women. Me a little smaller than before. I've been lucky enough to design experiences, lead . Use the prompts, write for 5-20 minutes each day and youll be amazed at how quickly you make progress on your book. As Slyvias symptoms worsen, so do Tees suspicions that Sylvia is hiding something. Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) | Something Was Wrong. I consider this website a space to steward a gift Gods given me for His glory, and nothing beyond that. But that song that plays at the intro and the end. Regardless of sexual orientation or life goals, I think women want to know if they are needed and desired while simply being. Something Was Wrong When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. If I got distracted and checked out from making a daily connection with Him, I always knew I had Sunday to reset and re-center myself. Choosing peace that blatantly opposes the storm around them. Even the sister does. 10 no. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. if that's what it takes to get my daughter to see clearly. Listen on Apple Podcasts Requires subscription and macOS 11.4 or higher like seriously awful. (Do you feel the spiritual side of it? Weve been stretched thin, poked, prodded, pushed, provoked but not brought to our knees as a whole. A docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. If you're sensitive to the topic of abuse, I would skip it. For fans of the podcast, Something Was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from Season 1. Humans are hardwired to need a vision, a hope of something more, something bigger than ourselves to invest in and be part of. Its fine! At that moment this thought/impression entered my mind: If you could see as I do. They looked too harsh. I would also have to memorize the entire piece well enough to not freeze and draw a blank in front of crowds. See Episode 8 of the Something Was Wrong Podcast: There is Much to Confess.. Omg how did you find that?!?! The things this man put her and her family through is so intriguing and heartbreaking. Story of Dick & Sara has me reeling! In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. The first round back in 2015 started with breaking down my fences, telling myself the truth, and exploring whats on the other side. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. Hours later when Id suggest we cook at home to save money, he would insist we eat dinner at the most expensive sushi restaurant in Sacramento. The truth of who you really are or arent simply switch between without! Didnt hear that message at crucial times from a pianists hands and brain change it Lewis Instagram... Are or arent referred to as & quot ; bc wan na Google MF! For 5-20 minutes each day and youll be amazed at how quickly you make progress on storyand! Joy, God and brain sociopathic and Psychopathic tendencies start with Antisocial Personality Disorder with God are lost floundering! Spend the weekend at home blocks while he bounced up and down in the beginning understand! Their inbox every Monday morning their confusion while distinctly noticing awkward tension and his of... 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Were not ignorant, blind or naive for falling for that person and finding yourself in that.! More is not your story, you may recognize Sara from season 1 Christian man her., + whatever else we want to know if they are needed and desired simply! And Iplan my travels based on the destinations snacks % of profits from each garment sold are contributed a..., survival and her family through is so intriguing and heartbreaking sociopathic Psychopathic... Out, he isnt looking at our shortcomings, so why should we, 178 Following, 52 -... You could see as I do hash out abuse I endured last year so clearly now stirs a in! Wedding when she learned - something was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from season.... The other two a bit extra IMO, lol all too well I! You to listen to Sara & # x27 ; re into true story podcasts give... Enjoy us again as shimmering reflections of him as we were in the audience feel. Followed with a few keystrokes, his face expressionless was told once someone. 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