But now i have told that i have a boyfriend, he suddenly texted me `have a nice weekend`.. i did not respond. He told me we are never ever getting back together, I said yes I know, that is why I asked you to leave. I keep giving people more maturity points than they deserve. It lasted a week and I kicked him out. Its been a monthly ST recently. I came across this at a time where I so desperately needed it. He said that i have to give him some time. Thank you for this. I just want my old life back, my confidence, my goals, my dreams. A retired state trooper who is really sweet. She hasnt shed a tear since I walked out after finding out about the affair. His dad just loved that dog more than anything. Again acceptance he was disordered helped me find peace. You need to work on your self worth. I am going through a divorce right now because my husband met another girl at his job. the person he would be if he didnt have mental issues (which is loving, and giving, sweet, romantic..)..and this ugly monster that he tries so hard to cover up and keep at bay. You wont change her, so keep the peace, but continue No Contact is my best advice. I have not seen my ex and he has not seen me since the breakup two months ago; Ive made it my business not to be where I think he would be. It can only be described as a LIVING NIGHTMARE. This is less consciously manipulative in narcissists who are non-malignant and non-cerebral, its more instinctive as though they believe that theyve made themselves vulnerable and you might attack, so they hide in fear of your attack. Even after examining all of the pieces, I still love this man and feel connected to him. I have cut contact from him again (following several arguments culminating in him threatening to contact the police because I apparently disrespected him); but it has been getting difficult to keep the ties cut, but this article has motivated me to stay away from his damaging behaviours and to have more respect for myself. I love being your answer. When you leave you gain a great gift. This means that 4-5 people out of 100 you know are these creatures!! So, Ive done a lot of reading and digging to figure out what my ex common law was. Go beyond the DSM, for ex, BPD is listed there as a separate disorder, the whole Cluster B is described as Dramatic, but o boy! And yes, lack of boundaries and low self-esteem ARE common denominators. I bent over for her and put her above myself and my surroundings, out of pure love and kindness that I genuinely felt for this girl. SIGN UP FOR MY HEALING PROGRAM AT A JUICY DISCOUNT:https://bit.ly/NEWLIFE30Article: Do You Sabotage Yourself With The Grey Rock Method? I do not say this lightly, I wish I could say I saw through him much earlier. That would suck. He forgot about the online accounts and when he called a month ago, I let him know I knew where his new address was. To her I am just a needy ex which I am sure she is telling all her friends and family. Watch videos on YouTube from two people will Explain a lot: Lisa A Romano and Ross Rosenberg shes been there married two of N and he is a educated counselor both very aware info about N with tips for us too. And I think you are rightI think it would be great to collect letters like these, point out the red flags in them and publish them for others. He wants nothing to do with me now. I was blocked on her facebook Something a very strong voice told me to not get romantically involved with him, and so we were just friends. Reading Suggestion: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You. He then moved in with his ex-wife and daughters theyve been divorced for 14 years. Message received, zero distortion. My ex claimed he wasnt having sex with his new supply six months after they got together. He however has alluded to pot and cocaine use. Im not responding to any more calls or texts. If you have issues with this image being used, you should contact them. -Overpowering the partner with a loud, yelling voice I am optimistic and confident I will rediscover myself and feel love, self joy and a genuine joy and contentment from life again. But don't get me wrong. So ladies, women can be just as devestaing a Narcissist as a man can! I will never be the same person again. They become overly critical of you. For the beginning of my adult life that was what I attracted to me. It surprised me, thought she was married to the guy she lives with. If we dont want this for our child.. why we do this to ourselfs. Be thankful you are out. In a futile attempt to get closure, I engaged with my ex-narcissist. Focus on healing and getting physically and mentally healthy to avoid any future Ns. I guess since I saw thru the illusion he saw no need to keep her around. Is that the final discard? I received a similar email when he left me for a new victim. Sometimes I feel really light when I remember I am free from all the bullshit. I have experienced this for seven years and I truly understand. Since this is a discussion related to people with lack of feelings, this type of Narc is irrelevant. 2 reasons; one is the corporation thing, another they constitute 9% of the population (the whole Cluster B in DSM is a psychopathic cluster). As painful as what I went through was for me, I would never say my pain was worse than anyone elses experience nor would I say that men suffer less. If youd be interested in coaching to implement and maintain No Contact, I could also help you understand what made you his victim. This was just about a month and a half ago. Two weeks later, the ex began calling & texting for the next three weeks, several times a week. Im gutted shaken to the core. Why so long?? He moved right into her place. I dont know if he is truly a narcissist or a psychopath but he sure has those lying traits. February 8, 2021 by Zan. This is only going to set you back again and from someone who did it twice, it is worse cuz they know youll take it and you end up so depressed and confused. I do have him blocked. He claims it was out of curiosity only and to not get any ideas. I felt your comment ad if it was me saying it. But it has to. He is hoovering and still active and persistant about it even since hes moved back with Kym. My god do I wish id have left things then but it sucked me in. Dont beat yourself up for breaking it the first time. Hi Carole. You had a child You are Responsible for said child You know this is a technological age so dont be bullied into communicating by phone in person or on transfers etc! HUGS!!! Would I love to say that Im staying in my marriage because together we are working to improve things because he is not disordered, yes I would love to tell you that. Five minutes later, my landlady who lives about 100 ft. from my house calls and asks me if Im okay. If your narcissist ex discarded you and just disappeared one day, it was because your behavior was so intolerable, they had to get out. Its very weird. Once a strong vivacious Women, now stricken-ed with various illness after being pressed under the thumb for so longI didnt figure it out until he had already stolen so much. Excellent post. Once you finish going through the detox phase, which includes massive cravings for your narcissist, feelings of despair and emptiness (caused by a depletion of the hormone, oxytocin,) and the . He claims he never encouraged her but IMO he didnt do enuff to discourage her either. Narcissists thrive off being in control, when you were a couple, they got a kick out of watching you ask, how high? after instructing you to jump. Trust me, this is all said in love from one victim to another. We were all so excited to have him back. using a listing technique to tick off or list your supposed great qualities that they now see in you and miss I have nothing to offer. I have no doubt you will one day hear a similar story with this BPD girl and the new supply. And, as the mother of two children, my pain doesnt end because now they have to see him by law and I know he is slowly doing his damage to them and they will end up in therapy like all of his other kids. I tend to think it was an act of self-preservation. This man Ive known since I was 13, so 16 years now. But nothing ever came of it because she would then feel better after a few days. That person may reach out to the narcissist, puzzled, to find out what happened. but I have days where I feel hes driving by or just feel his presence sometimes. Its a grieving process, just like grieving a death, loss of home, loss of job, etc., and youll need to go through all the stages. I would be hard pressed not to lose it on her..u dont mess with peoples children. What about over one or two years. I lost contact with all other family members. I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. Miserable and dependent on them! He even wanted to be close friends with his ex-wife who happened to remarried. Best yet, she seemed to adore me, and always talked about how gorgeous I was and what an amazing guy I am, blah, blah, blah, I dont know anything about the other guy except that she used to tell me how nice of a guy he is. He couldnt stand that someone other than him might have needs, wants, desires and that he wasnt meeting those needs. Hes only thinking about her and himself. So NC is the only way for me, or I end up mourning and missing him..and frankly after the things hes said and done he doesnt deserve access to me. These exes that the narcissist connects with because theyre still under the narcissists spell. Narcissists have got a reputation to uphold, when the relationship comes to an end, the last thing they need is for their ex to start trashing their name. I can switch off. Very difficult, but worthwhile. You wont see it coming, it will be a very strategic, and calculated move, and theyll wait until youre at your most vulnerable to attack. Hi lisa. From that point on things seemed to degrade (i.e. But his behavior was escalating and I was then suspicious of it, this is when affair was discovered. . I was only with my ex for four months, continued being friends with her the next eight months, and I am still suffering psychological pain from the incident. There are so many situation through the day when i think of him. When I say Im in love with you, I love not being alone. cant block so i guess i will filter his msgs to trash. Unfortunately, we are the ones who need to leave. Matt, you need to block her on FB. Apparently not going to each other houses, she lives with some guy. You capture so well what is going on in a narcissists mind. I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. Does that make sense Kim? You cant imagine how many of us went (or are still going) through the same hell as you This blog is one of the best I have ever found since I woke up in 2007, for reliable, thorough, and most of all not judgmental info. Really liked reading the post. I have a question. It got ugly but I loved him so much, I forgave him everytime. Please don't contact me again. I finish my call then I text himyes?. its not fair that you de-friended me on FB. He couldnt take it if I countered his opinions or discarded his advice about MY life. It was self d fense. Get out now!. Therspist didnt mention anything about narcissism but one Christmas eve my ex narc left mw stranded. Then again, she knows that I obsess about these things. That is, if you were in no contact long enough, which is usually a month or two at least. Its hard to see the future without him. On the other hand that voice Dont do it!! However, this is where I am and I accept that I arrived here on my own two feet. Wow! The best thing for you would be to go completely No Contact and sever the ties with this person. I know he has three kids, and apparently he is a great father. So much of what you write about has happened to me and makes me feel that you are writing my story. I have basically gone underground to prevent that. A lot harder. After six moths she was pregnant. Watch out for laziness. Yes, v3ronicavida, it goes to the other woman (or women), or anyone else who happens to be in his or her life, including parents and children, My personal experience: I was very tough with him in order to make him understand that he shouldnt be messing with my head or heart. And even though I now know why, I still do. He is now living in a caravan park with her and her daughter. This led to the confusion both, psychopathic and non-psychopathic versions are called BPD, lack of the diagnostic criteria and frankly, the occupational responsibility on professionals part. I thought nothing of it at the time, as I was just being myself. If nothing else, my comments should give you insights from unknowing narcissistic sociopath. How she was never to blame and how I wasnt really her type. Youll discover that you can fly, and theres a flock of us ready to encourage and support you. My ex has not hoovered since he left; although I live in the country and wouldnt really know if hes been past my house, however, it has been two months since we actually laid eyes on one another. The sacred place where no one can get but i do. And a view days later he says it dont feel good you go look for an other man. However, he did do the character assassination and tried to make me look like the crazy one. Even after he blew up and sent me 20 emails in a 10 hour period over the summer blasting my character and career failures, threatening me, he STILL had the gall to behave self righteously when I asked for no contact. My ex was a 64 gym trainer with a drug addiction who recently told me he had reconnected with his sister. My N ex left me. He denies the romantic, loving things and promises he made just as much as he denies being inconsiderate, disrespectful and insulting. They may hoover, but thats another story. 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